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July 14 missing my israeli miss israel............ more than lei lei does.... but he doesnt agree lol... i am counting down the days until im in australia with him (and his family).
my babydoll calls me every day... which is good cos i miss talking to him. and he writes me lovely emails... he is so very sweet.
i dont really want to live in seperate countries from him.. but its only for a short time and he tells me we will grow old together so ill just suck it up and be brave.
i love u babe
ruru xoxo
June 04 seriously pist offsome days being in china is the most frustrating thing in the world. stuff that we consider necessities at home become somewhat luxuries here
like hot water and a working phone
these things stop working at home too - to be fair. but it never ever ever takes as long to fix as it does in china.
soemtimes being in china is simply an exercise in frustration.
most of the time i love it here.
i am very angry at the moment. but these things pass - they always do! i am going to sit on my couch and drink a coffee and remember all the things i love about being here.
May 30 qingdaome, isi, anna, juju, mark and ali went to qingdao for the weekend.
we took the train. i hate train rides but this time it was quite good. we had lots of food and played some games that isi's mama and bubba sent from aus.
it rained and rained.... and showed us how beautiful it could be just as we were leaving. but good times dont require good weather and we had a fabulous time neway. upon arrival we were discovered by a hotel tout. no often these experiences are not good.... but this time we found a lovely man who took us to a great PINK hotel. He gave us discounts on our rooms and a free ride there. we had ocean views. it was beautiful.
it was raining but the boys (being boys) went to play in the sand neway. and boys being boys they had a stone skipping competition. i think juju won... but sometimes memories play tricks on us.. but as far as i am concerned he was the stone skipping on the ocean champion.
we found the 'better known cafe' and ate burgers with cheese and bacon and other delicious food. the lattes were to die for. and we ate there many times. i think we were their short-term most regular customers.
we went to the new york bar and had expensive drinks whilst listening to a cool band. it was really cool there. they had some ballet for us to enjoy and it was a beautiful place.
on the second day isi, anna and i went on our own private tour. the hotel has a tour guide (for free) and a driver for 20 yuan. we went to the pearl market and bought beautiful jewelary. the tour guide even did bargaining for us - we were so fortunate to stay at this hotel
we picked up alice (who arrived that afternoon) and ate at the 'better known cafe'. nathan and his lovely girlfriend, julia, were also in town so we met up with them at the night market. we bought more stuff and then tried to find a restaraunt. harder than you would imagine. but in the end we ended up at tudarli (korean chain place). food was good. company was better
on the last day we saw some beautiful weahter and what looked like the entire population of qingdao (who had been staying home due to the weather). we went to the supermarket and bought cheese and other such things that are in short supply in zhang dian.
on the train trip home we got upgraded to best class for 10 yuan. and watched movies, played games and had a little rest.
i had such a lovely time in qingdao. next time i will go is to see isi off. ali is coming with me and him.... mainly to hold my hand after his departure. we will stay in the same hotel for the same price (120 yuan - cheap as) even thou it is high season and they could charge us much much more. i will be sadder next time i will be there cos isi is going home. but i can think of much much worse places to be sad in lol
i look foward to going back. my friend chen chen is from qingdao and is already suggesting cool and relativly cheaper places for us to go out and to eat at.
i spent a small fortune. but it was well worth it!
the destination was fabulous - even in the rain. the food and alcohol was wonderful. the hotel was really great. but it was the best time ive had in a while cos of those of you i went with or met up with
lots of lvoes to u
ruru
May 24 things that i know to be truewhen you are onto a good thing.... u should hold on tight (but not too tight), cos everyone needs some space.
that fighting over bullshit... is bullshit
sometimes you should stay, sometimes you should leave. if the world makes it really easy to do one (or the other).... you should take the easy option.
take joy where u find it.
be true to yourself. even if it hurts. even if it hurts others sometimes
forgiveness is a selfish act
being alone and being lonely are different by definition
do things that make you frightened.... cos they are good for you...... cos the result is what you want
be clear about what you want.... and if necessary ask for it.
tell people what you need..... if you need it. mind reading is harder than you imagine
accept apologies - if you believe they are truely given
make it easy for people to make up with you............ if making up is what you want
leave when its over. do it with some grace. but leave all the same
doing things you really dont want to do ..... will be worse than you think it will be
if they say the power or water will be turned off at a certain time in china.. does not mean it will happen at that time lmao
maybe i no some other things... but i cant think about them now.
i know that i truely love isi and ali and my helen and my treena and my viki and boydie, my cherub, my kam and lei lei, my gary and my many others
that love is better than the other. that my life is enriched by your presence. that i dont want to live this life without you - but that survival instinct is high... so i guess i can live without you. i just dont want to. so ill be good to you and keep you close
gotta prepare for class. gotta get some breakfast and morning tea.
xoxoxxoxxxo joy is a choice.................. i choose it... it makes me happier. if your not choosing it.. perhaps you could consider it as an option
ruru
May 16 motivate me - please!please!!!!
its easy to be in the present when u dont think of the future. its hard to be here when its the future ur thinkin' of.
for the past eight months the furtherest ahead that ive been thinking was next week lol. for most of it ive only been thinking of today and tommorrow.
probably why i didnt manage to go away during may week. probably why i havent managed to do much! im trying to formulate plans for when i get home. for the order with which i will accomplish things... like be at home, go to wales, be in australia... live there?
its cooler today.... it would be really easy to sleep today away. but i have class and i have things to do.... but all i wanna do is sleep!!! but im awake now. so thats a bonus
i adopt kam today. he's my newest baby brother. i got lei lei (and i think ive always had u cherub) and then there is my lei lei. and my older and most fabulous of brothers - thats u gary.
ohhh head rush.. must shower and eat
love to the world. especially to isi and ali
ruth
May 15 its home timei thought that id have more time here in China. i thought at least another six months or so.. but i guess it isnt meant to be. the university made the contract negociations so hard that i gave up and decided to go home instead of talking about it further.
i think it will be a good move. im sad. i wanted more time - in china and with my friends here. but going home doesnt feel like a punishment (which it did before). i will be able to spend time with my friends and family in NZ and it will be easier to see isi... and for us to make plans for our life.
i will come back to china.. maybe in january of next year. that is not so far away. i will be able to see my friends and see some more of china.
i will also go to wales to see my annabird and her baby (i still cant believe that she is gonna be a mama in the next few months).
so im sad and im excited and im..... i dont even know. i only just changed my mind, my plans.
maybe i feel lost... a little. and now i gotta pack which makes me feel tired. but i feel excited too.. like something is starting. i guess every end allows a new beginning. so ill enjoy what is left and look foward to what is to come. April 27 "women who do too much........."there is a book titled women who do too much.. or something along those lines. i didnt read it, i was too busy!
sometimes life is overwhelming. i dont know where the time goes. i sleep, i eat, i teach,i prepare, i spend time with my friends, my boyfriend. but at the moment anything that requires thinking is too much. well thinking about my plans anyway. i need to book flights, a holiday. i need to spring clean my house (before summer hits and its too late to officially call it spring cleaning lmao)
i am tired and a bit worn out. im getting run down. yet still i promise others i will do more....... but i have no more at the moment. yet still i try - bless me.
isi and ali and all the others are looking after me. anna, ronnie and ali excused me from dinner.. we had such lovely plans but i just couldnt. sometimes i think its so sad how we can let down those who care for us, but be totally present for others (like students). maybe its just easier to let down those who love us - they understand, they look after us and they wait for us to come back.
i had such a sore stomach before and now i have a headache. ive been asleep since 7.30 and its 12.30 now. ill go back to bed soon and get some more sleep. i have only four hours of class left - thank god. then its holidays. when i have some time to stop doing - i think the world will improve in general.
i write messages of love to my friends in these blogs. i say it to them too (in person). i think it is so important to let those you love - know that you love them. it is easier to do this for people who are here - physically. i love many others who i have been neglecting shamefully.
id tel you id make it up to you - but i guess i cant. but that doesnt mean i dont love you and think of you and wish you were here.
i miss my mum and dad. i miss aaron and caroline and treena and annabird. i miss boydie and vicki. my head is full of ache - i miss many others as well. as soon as i have a moment im gonna send you emails to let you know how things are. i want to tell you about isi. he's such a joy in my life. i want to tell you about my friends and family in china. i write these blogs and hope you read them - to hear my news, my feelings, whats up with me.
to my helen. i love u. so very much. i feel very lucky to have u in my life - my friend, my sister, my very good friend. thanks for your help and support.
i feel tired and sleepy again. guess its time to go back to bed and wait for the day to start again. just four more hours. this is not a long time. its forever.... its something in between.
ruru
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